theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
