Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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