For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
