the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
