There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
