the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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