She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
