They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every concussion has its silver lining
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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