You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
