I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
