I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
