Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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