im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize