Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
