Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
