why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
