is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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