it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize