That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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