Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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