Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
