Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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