I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
