were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
