GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
