My first STD was from a foam party
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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