i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
