I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
