remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The air was thick with penises
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
