I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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