Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
