i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
