i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
