Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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