hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
