You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
