My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
