Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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