Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
