woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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