Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
