proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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