trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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