omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
