I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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