were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
