I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
