So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
