dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Farmville is her only friend.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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