Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
