So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
