Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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