When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
