Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
