Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize