It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
