hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
