Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
