By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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