it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
