it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
