I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
