is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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