Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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