alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
