The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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