Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just invented taco cereal.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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