I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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