Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
