i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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