my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
