Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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