And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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